I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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