I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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