I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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