Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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