I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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