I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
