she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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