i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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