Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
