I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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