Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You brought string cheese to the strip club
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
