Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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