I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
