the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
