i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
