I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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