White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
