you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
