Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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