She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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