there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
someone owes me an orgasm
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
