I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
