i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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