Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
