You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
