I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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