im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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