you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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