dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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