So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
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