Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
