Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
