Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I understand Curling. That high.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
