her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
