Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
