The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
