I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im holly from the hills drunk
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
