well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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