dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
