He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm getting married
To pizza
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
