peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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