i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
