maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
