Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
