dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
