In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
