My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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