i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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