I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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