my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Operation Purity has been aborted
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
