Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
